She felt her legs as she pulled them up close to her body, her chin resting on her knees. Her arms were tightly wrapped around her legs, holding them close, trying to become as small as she could. She squeezed her eyes shut and wished the pain would go away, wishing she could be somewhere far away from there. Little did she know that she would get her wish, but then again, this wasn’t about wishes.

Her ice blue eyes hesitantly opened and found herself looking down at a very clean, white floor. She shook her head a couple times, sending her curly dark hair flying in waves around her head, trying to make sense of what she was indeed seeing. Uh, I must be dreaming… She thought to herself as she rubbed her eyes and looked down again at the still transparent floor, people at a far distance going about with their every day lives, the picture and scene changing every now and again. She blinked again, but the she could still see them, the people, walking around and going about with their every day business as if they could not see her looking down at them. She gulped and thought that maybe they really couldn’t see her, but then where was she?

She decided to look up, here ice cold eyes reflecting the white from the room around her, letting a whisper escape her lips “Oh my God…” She heard someone laugh behind her and put their hand on her shoulder, whispering into her ear, “Only if you believe in God…” She turned around, but whoever it was left quickly, leaving no trace but a cold wind. She looked around again, the sight making her lose her breath once or twice. Lavishly decorated walls formed a pentagon around the large room, keeping all the occupants inside. Speaking of the occupants she realized that they all seemed to be teens her age, most of which were looking about as confused as she was, and others carrying on in polite conversation with another, looking quite content. The room had an aura of purity to it, the couches, wall trimmings, and even the front desk which sat prominently at the front of the room, were all white.

The cool touch of someone’s hand and a firmiliar voice behind her broke her from her quiet thoughts, making her jump a bit in her position on the ground. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, you just looked a bit lonely, that’s all…” The voice said; she looked up to see the rather handsome smiling face of a boy around her age, maybe a bit older. His shoulder length hair was perfectly taken care of and seemed to brush his face in a soft wind which blew perpetually around him. He offered her his hand and nodded “Lets get you off the ground, there’s an empty couch over there.” He gestured to one of the many couches around the room, which was surprisingly was empty. Most of the couches in the room were occupied by at least one person, if not three.

She soon found herself sinking into the comfortable cushioning of the white couch, wondering for a moment why she hadn’t sat down sooner. The guy looked over to her and tilted his head curiously to the side. “What’s your name? And how did you get here.” He smiled, though she strangely thought that he already knew the answers to his questions, but she decided to answer anyway.

She smiled back at him “Chika.” She paused for a moment, closing her eyes, and then opening them slowly, “I’d prefer not to think about what happened…and…where exactly is here?”

He nodded, “Sorry, I forgot to explain,” She nodded, though she wasn’t all that sure that he had forgotten, but she decided to play along anyways. “Here, is sort of a no-mans-land for souls. Purgatory, Limbo, if you wish. Though, if you find yourself here, you get a second chance. I’ll explain more about that later. Right now, we have to fill out this form, mostly for your own good, not ours. Here’s a mirror.” He pulled a small mirror out of a shoulder bag he was wearing, as well as waving a rather short-looking form at her and a pen.

She blinked, all too confused, but took the mirror none the less. “Why?” He didn’t bother with an answer and glanced at the form, but it was obvious he had done this many times before. “Lets see, we have your name…Age at death?” He readied his pen, awaiting her answer.

There; her question was answered, in three short words. She was dead, no question about it. She quietly sighed, wishing he had just been blunt about it earlier. “Seventeen.” Her voice was steady, like a slow dripping honey, though there was a bit of a quiver to it, but if she was scared, she didn’t show it in the least. “Cause of…We’ll just say non-applicable, eh? Hair color?”

She raised her eyebrow, and he pointed to the mirror, before she could say anything. “Dark Br…Black? Since when was my hair black?” She looked up from the mirror with a rather surprised look, and he just answered her with a smile, moving onto the next question.

“Eyes?” She looked into the mirror again “Light blue…” She blinked, as if to make sure. They weren’t light blue last time she checked.

“Light…what? But..” He looked up at her to make sure, and gave her a look of confusion. “Well…so they are.”

She returned his puzzled look, tilting her head to the side, “Is that so strange?” He laughed a bit and bit at the top of his pen in thought, and then spoke, “Look around you, almost everyone here has black eyes. Its…just something that happens when people get here. Their eyes turn dark. Sometimes dark brown. Dark blue is fairly common, but its still nice to see every once in a while. Light blue…well…never seen that before. Its…lovely.” She blushed, “Thank you…”

“Hair color is also like that. It’s the darker shades, dark brown, and black, that people normally have. There are always a few acceptations, but very few.”

The form was easy to fill out, with the help of the mirror, which was all too needed. The teen smiled gently at her, reassuring her that she was, indeed, alright, and in safe hands. After they finished, he dismissed himself for a few moments, putting the form away.

She felt her legs as she pulled them up close to her body, her chin resting on her knees. Her arms were tightly wrapped around her legs, holding them close, trying to become as small as she could. She squeezed her eyes shut and wished the pain would go away, wishing she could be somewhere far away from there. Little did she know that she would get her wish, but then again, this wasn’t about wishes.

Her ice blue eyes hesitantly opened and found herself looking down at a very clean, white floor. She shook her head a couple times, sending her curly dark hair flying in waves around her head, trying to make sense of what she was indeed seeing. Uh, I must be dreaming… She thought to herself as she rubbed her eyes and looked down again at the still transparent floor, people at a far distance going about with their every day lives, the picture and scene changing every now and again. She blinked again, but the she could still see them, the people, walking around and going about with their every day business as if they could not see her looking down at them. She gulped and thought that maybe they really couldn’t see her, but then where was she?

She decided to look up, here ice cold eyes reflecting the white from the room around her, letting a whisper escape her lips “Oh my God…” She heard someone laugh behind her and put their hand on her shoulder, whispering into her ear, “Only if you believe in God…” She turned around, but whoever it was left quickly, leaving no trace but a cold wind. She looked around again, the sight making her lose her breath once or twice. Lavishly decorated walls formed a pentagon around the large room, keeping all the occupants inside. Speaking of the occupants she realized that they all seemed to be teens her age, most of which were looking about as confused as she was, and others carrying on in polite conversation with another, looking quite content. The room had an aura of purity to it, the couches, wall trimmings, and even the front desk which sat prominently at the front of the room, were all white.

The cool touch of someone’s hand and a firmiliar voice behind her broke her from her quiet thoughts, making her jump a bit in her position on the ground. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, you just looked a bit lonely, that’s all…” The voice said; she looked up to see the rather handsome smiling face of a boy around her age, maybe a bit older. His shoulder length hair was perfectly taken care of and seemed to brush his face in a soft wind which blew perpetually around him. He offered her his hand and nodded “Lets get you off the ground, there’s an empty couch over there.” He gestured to one of the many couches around the room, which was surprisingly was empty. Most of the couches in the room were occupied by at least one person, if not three.

She soon found herself sinking into the comfortable cushioning of the white couch, wondering for a moment why she hadn’t sat down sooner. The guy looked over to her and tilted his head curiously to the side. “What’s your name? And how did you get here.” He smiled, though she strangely thought that he already knew the answers to his questions, but she decided to answer anyway.

She smiled back at him “Chika.” She paused for a moment, closing her eyes, and then opening them slowly, “I’d prefer not to think about what happened…and…where exactly is here?”

He nodded, “Sorry, I forgot to explain,” She nodded, though she wasn’t all that sure that he had forgotten, but she decided to play along anyways. “Here, is sort of a no-mans-land for souls. Purgatory, Limbo, if you wish. Though, if you find yourself here, you get a second chance. I’ll explain more about that later. Right now, we have to fill out this form, mostly for your own good, not ours. Here’s a mirror.” He pulled a small mirror out of a shoulder bag he was wearing, as well as waving a rather short-looking form at her and a pen.

She blinked, all too confused, but took the mirror none the less. “Why?” He didn’t bother with an answer and glanced at the form, but it was obvious he had done this many times before. “Lets see, we have your name…Age at death?” He readied his pen, awaiting her answer.

There; her question was answered, in three short words. She was dead, no question about it. She quietly sighed, wishing he had just been blunt about it earlier. “Seventeen.” Her voice was steady, like a slow dripping honey, though there was a bit of a quiver to it, but if she was scared, she didn’t show it in the least. “Cause of…We’ll just say non-applicable, eh? Hair color?”

She raised her eyebrow, and he pointed to the mirror, before she could say anything. “Dark Br…Black? Since when was my hair black?” She looked up from the mirror with a rather surprised look, and he just answered her with a smile, moving onto the next question.

“Eyes?” She looked into the mirror again “Light blue…” She blinked, as if to make sure. They weren’t light blue last time she checked.

“Light…what? But..” He looked up at her to make sure, and gave her a look of confusion. “Well…so they are.”

She returned his puzzled look, tilting her head to the side, “Is that so strange?” He laughed a bit and bit at the top of his pen in thought, and then spoke, “Look around you, almost everyone here has black eyes. Its…just something that happens when people get here. Their eyes turn dark. Sometimes dark brown. Dark blue is fairly common, but its still nice to see every once in a while. Light blue…well…never seen that before. Its…lovely.” She blushed, “Thank you…”

“Hair color is also like that. It’s the darker shades, dark brown, and black, that people normally have. There are always a few acceptations, but very few.”

The form was easy to fill out, with the help of the mirror, which was all too needed. The teen smiled gently at her, reassuring her that she was, indeed, alright, and in safe hands. After they finished, he dismissed himself for a few moments, putting the form away.

While he was gone, Chika took the time to look around herself. The setting hadn’t changed from before; a large white room, with white couches, and many people. She noticed now that most everyone had dark hair, and dark eyes, now that her acquaintance, and pointed it out to her.  Her eyes flashes past a light color, and moved on. She caught herself, and looked back, her eyes fleeting over everyone, looking for that splash of light that she had seen, around all the black hair. There was a girl sitting in the corner of the room, looking rather unhappy, unlike those smiling people all around. Her hair was light brown, covering her eyes, and her legs were drawn up onto the couch, looking rather bored. She was about to get up and go talk to her, when she was interrupted.

She heard a cough beside her, and the teen boy had sat down again on the couch to her side. She smiled, shifting her position back to look at him, away from the rest of the people in the room. “I’ll be back. I have one other person to talk to before we can go.”

She was going to ask him where they would be going, and what he meant, but he was gone. She sighed; this place was sure weird.

She heard a cough beside her, and the teen boy had sat down again on the couch to her side. She smiled, shifting her position back to look at him, away from the rest of the people in the room. “I’ll be back. I have one other person to talk to before we can go.”

She was going to ask him where they would be going, and what he meant, but he was gone. She sighed; this place was sure weird.

My Cd's

12 Stones 12 Stones
69 Eyes, The Blessed Be
AFI The Art of Drowning
AFI Sing the Sorrow
Alkaline Trio Good Mourning
Ataris, The So Long, Astoria
Brand New Deja Entendu
Catch 22 Keasbey Nights
Cold Year of the Spider
Crystal Method, The Legion of Boom
Darkness, The Permission to Land
Disturbed Believe
Disturbed The Sickness
Evanesence Fallen
Exies, The Inertia
Finch What it Is to Burn
Finger Eleven Finger Eleven
Finger Eleven The Greyest of Blue Skies
Godsmack Faceless
Hammerfall One Crimson Night
HIM Razorblade Romance
Incubus Morning View
Katatonia Tonight's Decision
Kittie Spit
Korn Issues
Korn Take a Look in the Mirror
Linkin Park Hybrid Theory
Linkin Park Meteora
Linkin Park Reanimition
Mars Volta, The De-Loused in the Comatorium
Mudvayne The End of All Things to Come
Muse Absolution
NOFX The War on Errorism
Nine Inch Nails Downward Spiral
Operation Ivy Operation Ivy
Orgy Punk Statik Paranoia
Perfect Circle, A Thirteenth Step
Ra From One
Rasmus, The Dead Letters
Red Hot Chili Peppers By the Way
Slipknot Slipknot
Soil Scars
Spineshank Self Destructive Pattern
SR71 Tomorrow
Staind 14 Shades of Grey
Sugarcult Start Static
Switchfoot The Beautiful Letdown
Tool Anemia
Tool Lateralus
Trust Company The Lonely Position of Neutral
Used, The The Used
Yellowcard Ocean Avenue

Peace and stillness wash over me as I take my first step onto the roof that night. It’s dark, but you can still see the outlines of the oaks and the lindens, which gracefully ark over my roof. Somehow, my almost constant trips out there have replaced the original vertigo with quiet content. Taking a breath of the fresh night air, I lie down on the cold shingles and stare up at the stars.

            It’s so easy to get lost in the wondrous sky. I feel so small, so insignificant, that it’s always enticing to stare at the stars. Lost. Maybe lost is the wrong word. Free. My soul feels free when I lie on the roof. If you focus well enough, you can block out the trees, and just stare up at the stars. Almost, for a split second, you could be anywhere, staring up at the sky. Free, but lost at the same time.

            I grew up in a house in the woods. The trees and the brooks were my playthings, and the quiet was my friend. Lying down in a patch of new green grass, I would stare up at the sky and think, “The world is mine, and the sky is watching.” Even then, on those clear cloudless days, I would get lost in the sky, wasting my hours away.

            It’s not a new thing, for me to stare at the sky. It seems so routine now, to feel free, and somewhat misplaced. Staring up at the vastness of the stars, a tree branch in your view, you could be anywhere, because the sky never changes. Be in China, Chile, Italy, or England, you can always get lost in the same stars.

            The wind blows, and the linden tree sways. The broken street light flashes on once, and then turns right back off. For that split second I see the outline of my hand, and the few other houses, with their own trees. This is where I’ve grown up, for the past few years. Where I’ve found myself. And as I think, I smile; I’m glad that I still have the sky. I would never give that life-long freedom away. No matter where I am, my peace will follow in the dark of the night. It’s where I fit, where I feel that I belong, staring up at the stars, into the clear midnight.

Flash.

Spin.

Glint.

Twirl.

The steady beat of the music entrances me in my vertigo.

I like that feeling…Maybe, if your not used to it, it would be hard to explain. But every time, its what I strive for. It’s what we all strive for, in a way.

Flash.

Twirl.

Click.

Shine.

The glinting knife spins in my hands; I’ve mastered the art of twirling it, finger to finger, hand to hand.

It’s a wonderful feeling…You’re so in control, but you don’t even have to think. Your hands take over, and you become numb. We all become numb, in a way.

Spin.

Glint.

Twirl.

Cut.

There’s no blood yet, it only takes a second for it to come though.

After a while, it becomes a routine, a morbid, deadly routine. Once you’re in the mindset. You know there’s no turning back. You’re numb. But in a way, you hate it, but so does everyone, in a way.

Smile.

Twirl.

Glint.

Click.

The blood goes away, and the scab appears, only to be followed by a scar.

The knife’s hidden. You say you’ll never do it again. And by god, you want to believe that. And you’d do anything not to. To become numb again. You want to stay in control. And in a way, that’s what we all want.

Click.

Flash.

Twirl.

Click.

I wish you could

Watch this storm with me

Lightning brightening the sky

Thunder pounding my ears

I wish you could

Wrap your arms around me

Holding me tight

Faintly hearing your heart

I wish you could

Be there every second

Because I need you so

Happiness is always with you

I wish you could

Understand what you mean

I hurt, when you hurt

Your world became mine

I wish you could

Hear the thunder now

Music faintly playing

And your soft heart beating